The era of the traditional relationship is over.
From the constant swiping to those late-night texts from an ex, sometimes modern relationships can feel impossible.
If you feel like you’re just not able to make a lasting and meaningful connection with anyone anymore, you’re certainly not alone.
But why is the modern romantic relationship seemingly in so much trouble?
Keep on reading this post to find out what you’re doing wrong, and what’s causing you so much unhappiness.
Then, learn the things that you can do now to fix it.
1. Unrealistic Expectations
You’ve likely already combed through the countless studies out there about how social media impacts your happiness in relationships.
In fact, modern relationships are often damaged by time spent on social media, which has been shown to create feelings of jealousy and even loneliness.
But romantic relationships aren’t just about finding a guy that lives in a huge house and wears designer clothes. Nor are they about finding a woman with the perfect body who lands tons of sponsorships and has men falling over themselves to get to her.
Instead, they’re about making real, in-person connection — and not comparing your own relationship to everyone else’s.
Social media can make that feel impossible. It can also lead to some serious partner on partner anger and resentment before you know it.
Our best relationship advice?
Always remember to take what you see on social media — whether it’s a huge engagement ring or someone’s insanely hot body — with a grain of salt. This will help you to manage your expectations for a partner, and learn to love yourself much more in the process.
Plus, you’ll be able to appreciate the real beauty of the world around you, instead of living in a superficial world of unfair standards.
2. The “More Fish in the Sea” Fallacy
Sure, online dating and apps like Tinder definitely make it easy to meet people and to form modern relationships.
But they also create serious drama and heartbreak, cause you to lower your standards and lose your self-respect, and convince you that there’s always someone out there.
All that swiping usually goes one of two ways.
The first is that you end up meeting with so many people that treat you poorly (because they’re just jerks or because you’re one of five other people they’re dating) that you end up declaring, “I’m done dating.”
You feel like the “perfect person” for you really is out there, but that you just haven’t found them in your feed yet.
You tend to judge people more harshly and create “lists” of things that you want out of a relationship and a partner.
If the person you’re spending time with now doesn’t tick off all of those boxes?
Well, then you can always break things off with them, and just keep on swiping until you find your dream partner.
This doesn’t just lead to cruelty towards others, it also means that you’ll end up depriving yourself of connecting with some truly awesome people.
3. The Trap of Social Media
We’ve already spoken about how social media can lead to unrealistic expectations for a partner’s looks and lifestyle.
But what about how it helps you to stay in touch with your ex, or at least keep tabs on what they’re up to?
A recent study showed that an astounding 90% of people digitally “stalk” their exes on social media. This means that they comb through new photos to see if they’re dating anyone new, and also that they look at old photos of the two of them as a couple, thinking about what used to be.
It’s incredibly easy to end up in a Google and Facebook-stalking black hole where you want to find out as much as you can about how your ex is doing without you.
This doesn’t exactly put you in the best mental headspace to connect with a new partner. Plus, it implies that you’re still interested in your ex and that in some ways, you’re keeping them as a “backup” in case things don’t work out with someone new.
The best thing to do is to block or at least unfollow/unfriend your ex on social media for a minimum of 30 days after your breakup.
Yes, this will be a serious challenge — and you might even consider letting a friend take control of your passwords or shutting down your account it if feels impossible.
Also, no texting your ex, either. Even if it’s not on Facebook, the ease of sending a midnight text is just too easy for some to resist.
Cutting off all social media and texting and calling contact will help you to get into the space to move on. As time goes on, you’ll find yourself wondering what they’re doing less and less.
Mastering Modern Relationships Takes Work
As you can see from this post, finding modern relationships that will last can come with some serious roadblocks.
Much of them are the result of just how drastically the Internet and dating apps have changed the love landscape. You can meet more people now than ever before.
But is that actually a good idea?
And how are today’s dating and relationship “rules” and expectations actively hurting you and your partner?
We can help you not just find out, but also better understand how to fix and strengthen your relationship.
Be sure to check out our website and blog for more advice on how to keep the spice — and the love — alive.