One of the beautiful things about being in a committed relationship is the comfortable intimacy you experience with your partner. But if you get too comfortable with each other, it’s easy for intimacy to become co-existing. One way to avoid this is with conversation starters for couples.
It’s easier than ever to get distracted from spending time with your partner. In 2014, 1 in 4 cell phone owners felt that their smart device was distracting them from their partner.
It’s normal for most couples to feel like you’re spending time with each other. But are you really engaged with the other person’s life and thoughts?
If you want your relationship to not only last but thrive, it’s time to reconnect with your partner. The best way to do that? Talking to each other.
If you’re ready to turn off the technology and re-engage with your partner, check out our 12 conversation starters for couples.
A Reminder About Active Listening
Knowing how to start a conversation is no use if you’re not listening.
Don’t just sit there and think of all the ways YOU want to answer these questions. Really listen to your partner, and wait until they’re done speaking before you say anything. This means you’re waiting for them to finish their thought, not just waiting for them to pause for a second.
The goal of these questions isn’t just about finding out new things about your partner. You want them to feel loved and cared for. The best way to do this is to show that you’re listening.
1) Tell me about something you learned this day/week?
Instead of just asking them “how was your day?” get your partner talking about their week in a more engaging way.
2) What are you most looking forward to this next week? What are you not looking forward to?
It’s important to know what’s coming up in your partner’s future. If you know what’s on their horizon, you can plan on how best to support them.
3) What goals do you want to meet in the next five years? Ten years?
If you’re in a long-term relationship, you should already know about each other’s hopes and goals. Get specific with this question. You might be surprised what you find out!
4) How do I make you feel loved? What can I work on?
When you’re thinking of conversation topics for couples, the goal is to be better at your relationship. The best way to do this is by asking outright what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong. Be open to change, but if they’re asking for something completely unreasonable or unsafe, don’t be afraid to tell them so.
5) If you had enough money to follow your passions, what would you do?
This is a classic question to ask your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s fun to fantasize about what we would do if money wasn’t an obstacle, and you’ll learn something new about your partner.
6) What was a small or seemingly insignificant thing that your family or someone else said about you, when you were a kid, that stuck with you? It can be good or bad.
Speaking words of encouragement and love are important in any relationship. Learning about something that your partner internalized from childhood, good or bad, can give you an important clue about nurturing your partner.
7) What are you worried about that you haven’t told anyone about yet?
If your partner is comfortable answering this question, it can help you learn how to support them best.
8) What was the most productive time in your life? What about the least productive time?
You can learn a lot about how a person works from this question. Maybe your partner works best when they’re alone. Maybe they love stimulating environments and group discussions. Either way, you can work together to make sure the other person feels productive.
9) What is the most uplifting thing you heard about in the news this week? What about the most distressing?
These conversation ideas are all about getting perspective. When the news feels like a 24-hour disaster machine, it’s important to step back. Ask your partner this question to give them space to explore hope in the world, as well as tragedy.
10) What does honor mean to you? How about respect? How do you exemplify it?
One of the key aspects of a healthy relationship is mutual respect. If you treat each other with honor and respect, you’re bound to have an easier time. But what do honor and respect mean to your partner? Have you ever thought about it? Take this opportunity to talk about this important topic.
11) Would you a prefer a happy ending or a sad one in a movie?
We all seek out movies, television, and books to fulfill a primal need for stories. But because we’re all individuals, most of us are looking for something different in them.
Some people like the catharsis of a sad ending. They might like a thought-provoking ending. Other people just want a happy ending, no matter what crazy thing is happening.
Find out where your partner is on this scale.
12) What’s better than great sex?
Sex is great. There are few people who would argue with that. But a long-term committed relationship is built on more than great sex. Ask your partner what they love as much as, or more, than sex. The answer could give you some important insight into your partner’s desires and needs.
Want More Tips and Conversation Starters for Couples?
A good relationship is one of the greatest pleasures in life. But these kinds of relationships require some maintenance.
For more tips and tricks to keep your relationship fresh, click here.