Not feeling as excited down there as usual? Lacking that lustful feeling in the bedroom?
That’s okay. It’s normal.
According to a survey published in BMJ Open, 34% of the women and 15% of the men they surveyed between the age of 16 and 74, said they lost interest in sex at some point, for at least three months. The reasons are both physical and mental for both sexes.
If this is you, don’t worry. Here are 6 sure-fire ways to help you learn how to get your sex drive back.
How to Get Your Sex Drive Back
For couples, low sex drive can be a frustrating thing for both partners. On one side, it can make the partner who’s experiencing it feel inadequate and on the other side, it can make the other partner feel insecure.
But every couple should know a low sex drive is not necessarily a sign that there is something wrong with the relationship, it could simply mean that everyday routines are wearing down on the both of you.
Here are some ways to find inspiration to increase your sex drive.
1. Increase Intimacy Outside of the Bedroom
Sometimes, couples forget sex is a form of intimacy rather than the definition of intimacy. If you haven’t been feeling as close to your partner, try doing things outside of the bedroom to bring you closer to each other emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Think of activities you can do together in other parts of the house (and if that’s sex, great) but if not, try cooking together or taking a nice, warm bath together. If the weather is nice, go out for a nice long walk together and hold hands and stop to kiss each other.
Pay attention to each other’s senses in ways that you normally wouldn’t. Brush away the other person’s hair, glide your fingers along their arms, or hug a little longer than usual. All of these things can bring you closeness, warmth, and affection and help build sexual tension.
2. Take A Walk Down Memory Lane
Think of the activities you use to enjoy doing together or the places that you use to visit together. If possible, go back to the place that you both met. Or go to the places that hold special memories for you two. It could be the place that you kissed for the first time, the place you first fell in love with each other (which may be different for each person), or where you had your first date.
You will not be able to resist talking about the past and laughing over silly moments that you shared together.
Visting places from the past will remind you of why you’re together in the first place and to not take each other for granted. And hopefully, when you’re in the bedroom, you can also make love like when you first met each other.
3. Build Sexual Tension
Another way to increase your sex drive is to tease each other at random times of the day. There is something highly arousing about the idea of sex when you cannot have it. Send each other naughty text messages during work hours (just double check the name before you hit send) or whisper compliments to each other when you’re out in public.
When you get to the bedroom (or wherever) take time to undress each other. Make it a point to kiss or stroke the other person all over the place before having actual sex. Listen and observe how the other person is reacting. The longer you can delay having sex, the more intense your sex drive will become.
4. Dare to Try New Things
No matter how loving a couple may be, every couple needs fresh ideas behind closed doors. Have you ever told your partner explicitly what turns you on or asked them what turns them on? If you do not know the answer to this question, then you could both be missing out on major fun and pleasure.
Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what excites you sexually, your fantasies, or even show them where you like to be touched by masturbating in front of them. Yes, it might be a bit awkward or silly at first but laugh and giggle about it together. Sex is an adventure and you should be on it together.
5. Understanding Sex Drive Between Men and Women
Study after study has shown sex drive for women overall, tends to be a much more emotional and contextual thing than for men. While men see sex as the main way to connect, women often need to feel connected with their partners in other ways before wanting sex.
One way to relieve stress and expectations about sex is to make sure both partners understand how often each person needs sex and what good sex means to each person.
If one person naturally needs more sex than the other, it might leave the other person exhausted and inadequate. Sit down and have a discussion to find a balance for the both of you. Figure out how you can satisfy each other through sex or other ways. If you can show each other you’re listening, it can only improve what’s happening in bed.
6. Boost Self-Esteem
Sometimes, a low sexual drive can the result of a person having low self-esteem. If you haven’t been feeling like your best self lately, look for ways to change that mindset. Exercise is a proven way to increase your sex drive.
If you’re dissatisfied with your appearance, do something about it. Go to the spa, get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, or pamper yourself at home. Light some candles, put on your favorite music, exfoliate, and take a nice long bath. There are dozens of ways you can make yourself feel and look better and when you do, it might just lead to more oomph in the bedroom.
Ebb and Flow
If there is one thing you should take away from this article, it’s that sex drive naturally comes and goes. If you’re going through a dry spell right now, try not to stress out too much about it. It happens to every couple. Get out of the bedroom and try to improve other areas of your relationship because how you treat each other outside will reflect on the inside.
If you would like more advice on how to get your sex drive back and keep the passion alive in your relationship, be sure to visit us on our website for more tips!