You come home, whinge about work, sling some dinner together and watch Netflix. When it’s time for bed, you fall asleep or – if you’re lucky – go through the routine fumble.
If your relationship routine is affecting your sex life, it’s time to spark things up again. A healthy libido and enjoyable sex is essential to maintaining your mental well-being, so if you’re feeling neglected in the bedroom try out some of these ideas and find out how to spice up your sex life.
Go on a Date
It sounds simple but when was the last time you went on a date together? A proper, dress-up-and-go-somewhere-fancy date?
It doesn’t have to be an expensive date either. Choose something or somewhere that brings you both positive memories and arrange to meet there. Travel alone to your meeting place and savor the feeling of excitement.
If you have kids, hire an overnight babysitter and book into a hotel. Recapture the magic by spending an entire, uninterrupted night together without a toddler creeping in at 3 am to starfish across the middle of the bed.
Book a Vacation
The feeling of anticipation can bring you both closer together as you plan a future event. It’s even better when you know you’re getting a sexy vacation!
People feel naturally less inhibited on vacation, so it’s a good time to consider the things you’d like to try together. Planning might not sound sexy, but if you shop online together for some naughty lingerie or new sex toys you’ll be building the excitement.
Keep a rule that whatever you order online or ask for in the bedroom needs to wait until you’re away on vacation. You can talk about it as much as you like, but you’re not allowed to do ‘that thing’ until you go away!
If you’re wondering how to spice up your sex life it might not be because you’re not having enough sex. Instead, it could be that it’s become so routine that you’ve lost the passion.
Reconnect and find your intimacy by giving each other massages. Invest in some high-quality massage oil that smells good (and won’t irritate your nether regions if you start to feel frisky).
Take your time over it. Have your partner lie down and relax as you work from their legs up to their shoulders and back. If you want to make it really intense, leave the erogenous zones until last.
Ask What They Want
Do you know what your partner’s fantasies are? What’s their secret fetish?
It’s time to have an open and honest conversation about what you want from your sex life. If you find this uncomfortable, start off by talking about the things you already do together and explain which things you enjoy the most.
Having this conversation will reconnect you emotionally as you both open up to each other. It’s easy to assume our partners want the same as we do when it comes to sex, but you could be in for a surprise!
Have a Sex-Free Week
If you want to know how to have better sex, start by denying it. This, of course, won’t work if you’re already not having sex – but if you’re just in a rut with routine moves it’s time to shake things up.
When we see our partners naked all the time we can easily become desensitized to just how incredible they look. Start getting showered and dressed in the morning without getting naked in front of your partner.
Limit your week to kisses. Imagine you’ve just started dating and you’re back to first base.
Try not to masturbate during this week, either. It’ll help add to the tension.
Book a date night, or just a night in, for the end of your celibate week. Don’t plan anything other than spending time together, and you’ll soon find that you’ll be making plenty of entertainment for yourselves!
Take a Mini-Break – Alone
If you see your spouse or partner daily, take some time out alone. Go to stay with your parents or some friends for a few nights, and enjoy being independent for a little while.
It’s easy to become cocooned as a couple, doing everything together and spending all of your time outside of work together. Taking a little bit of time away from your other half will help to spice things up in the bedroom as you’ll realize how much you miss them.
Do you only ever have sex in the bedroom? A simple way to spice things up is to change rooms.
Try sneaking into your partner’s morning shower, or accost them by the dining table after dinner. A simple change in environment will feel exciting and naughty, and you’ll also need to get creative with your positions – there’s no missionary when you’re propped up on a kitchen counter!
Watch Porn Together
Porn can be a divisive issue but if you watch it on your own it could be time to introduce your partner to the fun.
Many women have a problem with porn misrepresenting what they often want from sex: romance, passion, and emotional intensity. There are, however, plenty of porn videos which are filmed with women in mind: the sex isn’t hard-and-fast-just-put-it-anywhere, but instead it builds up over time and has an element of romance.
If porn isn’t for you then choose your favorite Hollywood film with a steamy sex scene in it. Watch it together, then see if you can recreate the scene yourselves!
Write a Sexy Story
It’s time to get creative. Write a short story that includes some of your sexual fantasies, then email it to your partner during the day. (You might want to include NSFW in the subject header, just in case a colleague is looking over their shoulder when they open it).
If you don’t feel confident writing a story, keep it short and sweet: send a sexy text. You could either send a photo of your new lingerie or get straight to the point with a sexy message. If you want to really build the tension, send several messages throughout the day and get sexier with each one.
How to Spice Up Your Sex Life with a To Do List
Finally, try writing a to-do list.
This does not include your laundry chores. (Unless you want to have sex on top of the dryer, in which case, definitely include it).
List all of the places, positions, and activities that tickle your erotic fancies and get your partner to do the same. Agree with each other to tick something off your alternate lists every week as a sure-fire way to raunch up your sex life.
A Good Relationship Means Great Sex
If you’re feeling neglected in your sex life, it could be that there’s more behind the problem than not getting jiggy with it on a regular basis.
Read this guide to help build on your emotional relationship, and then you’ll know how to spice up your sex life on a deeper level.